My thoughts.

"When I saw you, I realized ... what real love is"  <3

There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not like it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? [Grey's Anatomy] What if you do fall in love, and you become attached to someone? Then they hurt you, leave you alone. Making you feel cold, empty, alone, and scared. Can you find anyone that will always stay with you? Never allow you to feel alone again? Always feel safe with them, and allow yourself to trust them. Put your heart and soul into them, trusting and loving someone. Letting them into your heart, believing they will never hurt you. Although no matter how much you trust someone you need to learn to survive on your own, and with some...

I hate the way you look at me.  I hate the way you smile at me.  I hate how you always make me laugh.  I hate how you make me cry even more. I hate how your always on my mind.  I hate that you never think of me.  I really hate the way I can't hate you. 

Marriage. Does it really change people? Or do we allow ourselves to change? For better or for worse? Soul mates are supposed to be out there for us all, but how long till we find the perfect person, before we settle?  Everyone is supposed to have that perfect day that we dream about during our childhood, weather is wearing red or white.  Little girls all dream about the day they can find their soul mates. And live a perfect life with kids and a husband.  But will everyone actually find this happiness?  Or are we indulged with disney movies or hindi movies about how love is seeminglessly perfect and easy to find?  I know that I still hope that I'll find the perfect guy, my soul mate. And my perfect wedding to come true.  Because deep down we will always dream of being married, even if we try to deny it. 

Red rose: a symbol for love and romance. Used for decades to say "I love you". It is symbolized as beauty and perfection.  What if the beauty and perfection is gone?                                                                                                                          And all that's left is imperfection... 

 Depending on someone through your life isn't worth it. No one will ever be there for you like you'll be there for yourself.  No one else on the Earth will care about you more then you care for yourself. 

How do you know what the right choice is? Which path do you take when you come to a crossroad? What if you make a mistake, is there a way you can go back to correct your mistake? What if you choose to say yes to the wrong person, and you find your one true love after your with someone else, who cares for you, loves you, treats you like your gold. Can you really hurt that person or do you stay with them even though you know there is someone else out there, made for you? If you settle for someone how do you really change your mistakes? Or can we learn from them? Sometimes it's to late to even learn from a mistake because your truly stuck with this one for the rest of your life. If you live your whole life pleasing others and you continue too is that the right path or is this the path of someone else's life that your living. Is one path always the right one? or can you change halfway through a path. 

Truthfully what's the point in even caring about others when they just let you down. They hurt you, they lie to you, you can't even fully trust people once someone who "cares" about you, messes you up so much that you've changed forever, without even realizing it. Even family drives you crazy enough to make you believe that you can't trust them, or that there is any point in caring for them, or they caring for you. The only person you can really count on is yourself. Shouldn't the person who claims to care about you, be able to open themselves up enough to let you in and care for them? To allow help, to feel they are cared for. Caring turns into pure love, which sometimes is in the sound of a simple heartbeat so faint and distant, that won't be heard at all times, but it's there, constantly inside us, and with us, like an involuntary movement. We strive for perfection, we hide our true selves from others, but when someone does try to break down the...

I lay outside on cold pavement looking up at the dark night sky, hoping to see a shooting star. Close my eyes and wish upon the one star that could change my life, make my dreams come true. Find my one true love, in the crowd of six billion people. I wanna feel that constant love with no limits, have someone to count on through each step of my life. How do I find you? How do I know your the one? Will I feel it? or will I lose it and hopefully find it again years after, making a mistake. Is it really to much to ask for some happiness? Just for once one thing be mine and mine alone, without the risk of losing the one thing that means everything to me, accepts me for my imperfections, allowing myself to be myself. No secrets hidden beneath a wall put up between us. 

I got my palm read, and the lady said I'm creative, sensitive, giving person, sweet, get stressed out easily over things I can't change. I should be married at 26, have 3 children, enough money, managing money, as well as spending money, I will have a long life, live till I'm like 88 apparently. Education will be the key to my success. Hopefully this is all true, especially the part about me finding someone this year! :)

I lay down in my dark bedroom, daydreaming, awaiting a night where I believe in wishes, so I can wish that you were mine. But you deserve so much better then me, I hurt you and I was the one to cause all this pain, and if your moving on and your happy I want you to be happy, I want you to love. No matter how much it hurts. I just want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry for everything. 

I wonder. If I'm trying so hard to make something mine that possibly never was. I want to believe that I was right, and not fooling myself into thinking that you were mine and I was yours. But now I'm alone and it's my own fault, I pushed away, and broke our hearts, believing it was something I wanted, but the truth... I wanted to see you fight for me! I wanted to see passion, caring, love! Just something, but you just let me go, and didn't look back. Now that I am trying to fix things with you, you don't seem interested, you seem distant and cold, and unwilling to try. I understand how much pain I caused, and the doubt I put in your mind. I didn't try to cause problems, but they happened. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved. Nothing in my heart has changed. But now I feel so alone, and I just want to be happy with you again. <3 

I'm sorry. I made my fair share of mistakes. I can own up to them. I love you. I want to fix things with you. I want to be with you. I can understand that I've made my mistakes, and I have to work through a lot to make it work with us. I just need time and patience, as well as you trying just as hard as I am. I know your so busy with work, your family, friends, and I never want to take up all your time, but I ask for some at least even to just say you care or show that you care. It was lonely in the relationship, and it's lonely being apart from you. The distance between us puts a strain on us, but if we chose, we can make us stronger. I love you. I miss you. <3 

Wow!! FUCKING PATHETIC! You really just made me believe things could change, thing could get better, be happy again. Together. I tried understanding your point of view, I wanted to be with you again, I was trying to be what you wanted. But you told me I'm selfish! That I didn't care about your feelings. That's all I cared about! You were the selfish one, you wanted me and you wanted to be close to your ex, when you knew I wasn't comfortable with that you blamed me and yelled at me and shut me out instead of at least comforting me, or just trying to allow me to see it from your point of view. I just wanted you to understand how I felt, and I wanted to know how you felt. I wanted to be with you, and love you, and to be loved by you. I thought we were happy but now that we are apart we talk more then when we were together. Isn't that messed up? No matter how hurt I felt, I never wanted to end things with you. But we both walked away from each other. So who will stand u...

All I can say is wow!! Catherine looked absolutely stunning her in dress which clearly was inspired from Grace Kelly's wedding dress. The couple looks truly and madly in love with one another, unlike a merger such as the late Diana's and Charles marriage. This is an actual love marriage which is something needed in the monarchy, considering she is also a commoner which will keep him down to earth, just as his mother would have liked. I can't believe I stayed awake all night and watched the wedding of the century, and it was worth it. Truly a fairy-tale wedding, I was so happy for the couple, getting to find their soul mates and display it to the world. They are truly a great monarchy that care for their country and the countrymen love and respect them. So congratulations to the happy couple :) 

 I love you. But the heart plays our emotions as well as our minds. So is it true love? Just an infatuation? But in my heart I know that it's true love.  ily<3

In life it takes three seconds to say "I love you", three minutes to explain why?, three days to appreciate it, and a lifetime to prove it.  Hardest part of loving is when you can only love someone from a distance, not being able to hold their hand, embrace them, tell them how much you love them, because their is so much distance between you. Afraid to get to close, hoping that your one true love will find you and you don't have to suffer through all the heartbreak. Sometimes you just need to open your eyes and realize that the person who will never hurt you has been by your side all along, never realizing how much they love you. Love isn't about being someone else's perfect person, it's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. Love is an extremely difficult realization that someone other than oneself can comprehend. You can never make someone love you, all you can do is fall in love and pray that the person you love, loves you...

Do you understand the amount of pain you caused me my self esteem slowly fading. I love you. But you made me feel so alone in our relationship. I try and I try. I want to be with you, but you continue to push me away. You won't even fight for us, you make me feel bad just trying to make you understand my feelings, my thoughts and you go into an instant defense mode. I just wanted to feel wanted, cared for, loved, but you couldn't do that because you have so much other things going on, including your ex girlfriend, who may be pregnant with your second child with her, I miss the days where you hated her, but now it's just you always running to her defense and protecting her, I thought I was your girlfriend? I might be insecure but at least I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I tried to give you everything. You disrespected me but I continued to stand by your stand. You no longer fool me, your apologies won't work, I'm going to move on, your a little too l...

Do you ever reminisce about the old days, the great memories, like "puppy" love? All the hair pulling, teasing, kicking, pinching, just makes you kinda miss that you could actually tell when a boy liked you. Now it's all a set of mind games, secrets, lies, rumors, which just makes us feel insecure and unworthy. But that feeling still happens, the butterflies in your tummy, the smiling, and giggling every time you talk to them, or even hear their name. When you get your first crush, your first heart break, your first kiss, you never forgot about this happiness or sadness. I remember my first couple crushes, they were both so amazing I still talk to them both, they are great people and the first kisses with either of them were amazing, one was in the basement of his house (I was friend's with his younger sister) and in his bedroom, while we were alone because her mother needed her. The other memorable one was on the back seat of the bus, grade 6 last day right before we...

Damn very odd day, a costumer came in wanting to return which is all good I could have done it for him, but he wanted cash instead of having it back on the gift card, and blew up at me about how he originally paid in cash and shit and I'm like okay let me call another location to find out if it's going to be a problem. They also said that we can't do that so he goes on and rants about how much of a stupid company policy it is and such and at the time there was another customer in the store just walking around close to the till, and the guy got very loud and angry so the other customer (very cute guy) stepped in and made the guy leave, who by the way scared the shit out of me! Seemed like such a shady man! So anyways the cute guy was super sweet stayed with me for like 45 minutes to make sure I was okay and to make sure the crazy psycho man came back. Damn did he ever flirt and hit on me hardcore, but I totally did too, super cute and really damn sweet it was really good :) ...

Defying all odds. It requires hope, courage, strength, power of will. This can be shown throughout history, for thousands of years, the french revolution, Egypt revolution, as well as Libya in progress. It's shown in literature, many love stories are about defying the odds, overcoming boundaries to be together. Possibly if your lucky enough you get to beat the odds or maybe you won't have to go through the tough times. Although things don't always work and we fall flat on our faces, we tried, we try as hard as we can, making us successful and finding something more valuable in our lives even if it looks like it won't happen. But defying the odds makes us proud, strong and happy, but maybe sometimes doing things the hard way... will make you unselfish, caring, strong, and successful.

All you ever did was hurt me, you were nothing but a LETDOWN . I was insane to stay with you, by fooling myself into thinking you really cared and loved me, but did you really? Or is your new girlfriend the one you actually care about? Or is she just another girl? I feel like a fool all over again just letting you have some control within my life. I need to learn to walk away from you, but why is there something always holding me back, staying closing to you. My heart and mind just won't go in sync, one says one the other says another... why is this so difficult! Everything you said was a lie, but it continues to repeat in my mind, and now another poor girl gets to hear the same lies and empty promises. P.S. You were nothing but a LETDOWN and always will be. 

If you're asking if I need you,   the answer is forever... If you're asking if I'll leave you, the answer is never... If you're asking what I value, the answer is you... If you're asking if I love you, the answer is always...   <3

She dreams of the days where he and she can be together, their souls becoming one.   He pulled her close to him, their bodies connected as one, as his lips were only inches away from hers, she could feel the warm air from his mouth on her lips. As she was tugging on his shirt her hands on his waist, as they stared into each others eyes with such passion, their heartbeats in sync as he leaned in closer kissing her lips softly, each closing their eyes, savoring the moment as they had only dreamed about this before.  

HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM FOREVER? Do you tell them during a romantic date, with that one perfect moment, or do you allow it be spontaneous? But would it ever truly be spontaneous, because we think about every way to tell them, every word, our facial   expressions,our clothing, the way he might look, and smile, even the way   he kisses you after. Would it always become something pre planned?   Unless you have no idea how you felt until something may have happened   to yourself or your significant other.   WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL VULNERABLE? Why do our hearts always make us fall completely head over heels for   the   "perfect guy" , or allows us to fall for the   "bad boys" and get our hearts broken into pieces, and our minds allow us to believe we were the wrong ones in the relationship? Why are relationships so hard? And if they are hard, why do we try so much to stay with someone? Could it...

We met on mutual ground but you avoided my gaze until I lost your face in the next morning's haze. You're shoes could've woken up the whole street. They drowned out the birds screaming in the trees. We sat down on the stone stairs and I watched the scars on your knees. We met on mutual ground. You fell out of your dress. This bar's not open late enough, so let's go home and make a mess. They smiled and left the room to leave us with more space but we stayed where we were and just had a drink to the chase A good night kiss equals a quick reaction but it's hard to believe I'm fully grown. So as usual, we parted on vague terms, So you could climb back on your thrown. <3

CAN YOU EVER ONLY BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE? As we grow we begin to see what truly is out there, you learn how to love someone, as well as to be loved. Although we know our hearts will be broken several times before we find someone who is truly the one your supposed to be with. When you get   get this feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart beginning to race every time they talk to you, the way they make you   smile without even trying. But what if you lose this person in your life? Can you be friends with them? Or do you push away from them? The heart is only so tolerable that if you   feel everything with your heart, everything beings to hurt. Even after you are no longer together, you still get the feelings, you can't ever stop loving them with your whole   heart, they will always belong in your heart, and yours to belong with them.   <3

IN THE END ARE THEY RIGHT?  They say the people closest to you, are your family, your friends, they say these people care about you.   DO THEY REALLY? OR JUST AN ILLUSION OF CARING?  People make assumptions about the person you are, but are they even close? You know who you are, other people think they may know you, but they don't.   They only see the person you want them to see, you can show them the real you,   the deeper, meaningful you, or you show them the more shallow side of yourself,   the superficial person who you pretend to be so that you can keep your barriers up,   keep your heart protected from being broken, so you never have to feel that heart acing pain.   DO PEOPLE SEE YOU AS THIS?  My guess probably not because, they don't care to learn who you really are.   They only judge you for what they may perceive. Maybe everyone hides the   true selves even from ones own families. Not by choice but by the sur...

EVERY THOUGHT OF HIM, MAKES HER DIE MORE ON THE INSIDE She’s so lost, so cold, so numb, so broken, her heart is his even if he only wants to break it some more, cut her deeper. She feels so alone, empty within, her soul so lonely, her soul mate left her, maybe for a few hours, days, weeks, or months but no matter how long may it be years she will forever be his. Her soul attached to his, their soul mates he lost sight of that, and though she is crying every time no one is looking she needs to be strong, she needs to win back his love, his heart. People always say she needs to work on her attitude problem; she needs to become that sweet little girl they once knew, she has a lot of faults and she knows this, and is working on it the best she can before he loves someone else more worthy of his love, his touch, his heart, but if she gets him back she will never let him leave again, she will move heaven and earth for this man, because he’s the only guy to ever truly love her and treat her ...

I never thought I'd find love at a young age,   I thought I was being naive and was infatuated with the idea of being in love. Now that I'm with someone like you, I realize love is the most   precious thing I've been blessed to feel. Although I may be young and naive I am certain I will always be with you, for the rest of my life. You make me the happiest I will ever be, every time I hear your   voice it brings so much joy, and my heart skips   a beat. My heart is forever yours, my soul is bound to yours and only yours, your my soul mate, my whole life, my everything, and I will love you till my last breathe.

I'm sorry but I truly feel like this is another repeat, I don't wanna continuously cry over the same bullshit Your the one who made me grow up so much faster then I should have. Why am I the one to always blame I know I have an attitude problem but is that forever going to be your excuse? and hers. I love you guys but I don't wanna be around this, I don't like this feeling, I don't enjoy having tears streaming down my face like this as often as i have in the last 5 years. Is it fair? Yes the entire family now knows that I have an attitude problem, why is that? oh yes because you always have to publish everything wrong with me I'm not perfect nor will I ever be! I don't have amazing grades, I'm not amazing at sports like you say you once were, I don't have a passion quite yet... Does all this mean I'm nothing to you? I feel like it more then a teenage girl should, I feel as if you'd be better off never having me, maybe everyon...

I let you go, I gave you the space you   wanted. I loved you yet I gave you up.   You choose her, within in a   week you were no longer in love with   me but with her. You broke up with her   and now we have something again, but   I feel as if I'm just another in between   relationship for you. I love you and I tell   you almost every single day but all you   say is I'm glad or thank you baby. You   fell in love with her after a few weeks   so did you ever actually love me at all   or am I just fooling myself being with you,   wanting you, loving you, caring about you.   I can never say these things to you for I'm   weak and I hate it. The only thing I ask of   you is to tell me do you care about me the   way I care for you? and do you love me   or do you think you can love me again?   and am I being an infatuated teenager?   I told you I'm not scared, that I'm brave b...