Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

"When I saw you, I realized ... what real love is" 

<3

Survive...

There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not like it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? [Grey's Anatomy]

What if you do fall in love, and you become attached to someone? Then they hurt you, leave you alone. Making you feel cold, empty, alone, and scared. Can you find anyone that will always stay with you? Never allow you to feel alone again? Always feel safe with them, and allow yourself to trust them. Put your heart and soul into them, trusting and loving someone. Letting them into your heart, believing they will never hurt you. Although no matter how much you trust someone you need to learn to survive on your own, and with someone else, without losing what's important to you. 

Not Even A Little Bit...

I hate the way you look at me. 

I hate the way you smile at me. 

I hate how you always make me laugh. 

I hate how you make me cry even more.

I hate how your always on my mind. 

I hate that you never think of me. 

I really hate the way I can't hate you. 

Marriage

Marriage. Does it really change people? Or do we allow ourselves to change? For better or for worse?

Soul mates are supposed to be out there for us all, but how long till we find the perfect person, before we settle? 

Everyone is supposed to have that perfect day that we dream about during our childhood, weather is wearing red or white. 

Little girls all dream about the day they can find their soul mates. And live a perfect life with kids and a husband. 

But will everyone actually find this happiness? 

Or are we indulged with disney movies or hindi movies about how love is seeminglessly perfect and easy to find? 

I know that I still hope that I'll find the perfect guy, my soul mate. And my perfect wedding to come true. 

Because deep down we will always dream of being married, even if we try to deny it. 

Concrete Rose...

Red rose: a symbol for love and romance. Used for decades to say "I love you". It is symbolized as beauty and perfection. 


What if the beauty and perfection is gone?

                                                                                                                        And all that's left is imperfection... 

Depend...

 Depending on someone through your life isn't worth it. No one will ever be there for you like you'll be there for yourself.  No one else on the Earth will care about you more then you care for yourself. 

Crossroads...

How do you know what the right choice is? Which path do you take when you come to a crossroad? What if you make a mistake, is there a way you can go back to correct your mistake? What if you choose to say yes to the wrong person, and you find your one true love after your with someone else, who cares for you, loves you, treats you like your gold. Can you really hurt that person or do you stay with them even though you know there is someone else out there, made for you? If you settle for someone how do you really change your mistakes? Or can we learn from them? Sometimes it's to late to even learn from a mistake because your truly stuck with this one for the rest of your life. If you live your whole life pleasing others and you continue too is that the right path or is this the path of someone else's life that your living. Is one path always the right one? or can you change halfway through a path. 

Who Really Cares...

Truthfully what's the point in even caring about others when they just let you down. They hurt you, they lie to you, you can't even fully trust people once someone who "cares" about you, messes you up so much that you've changed forever, without even realizing it. Even family drives you crazy enough to make you believe that you can't trust them, or that there is any point in caring for them, or they caring for you. The only person you can really count on is yourself. Shouldn't the person who claims to care about you, be able to open themselves up enough to let you in and care for them? To allow help, to feel they are cared for. Caring turns into pure love, which sometimes is in the sound of a simple heartbeat so faint and distant, that won't be heard at all times, but it's there, constantly inside us, and with us, like an involuntary movement. We strive for perfection, we hide our true selves from others, but when someone does try to break down the walls we never allow them too, because someone before them may have hurt us, or we are scared of feeling another person caring for you. We all try to hide ourselves behind a mask that we can't even explain to others, but we all understand. Instead of screaming "i like you, i wanna be with you" we play games and hide behind words that push someone away. 

Shooting Star...

I lay outside on cold pavement looking up at the dark night sky, hoping to see a shooting star. Close my eyes and wish upon the one star that could change my life, make my dreams come true. Find my one true love, in the crowd of six billion people. I wanna feel that constant love with no limits, have someone to count on through each step of my life. How do I find you? How do I know your the one? Will I feel it? or will I lose it and hopefully find it again years after, making a mistake. Is it really to much to ask for some happiness? Just for once one thing be mine and mine alone, without the risk of losing the one thing that means everything to me, accepts me for my imperfections, allowing myself to be myself. No secrets hidden beneath a wall put up between us. 

Palm Reading.

I got my palm read, and the lady said I'm creative, sensitive, giving person, sweet, get stressed out easily over things I can't change. I should be married at 26, have 3 children, enough money, managing money, as well as spending money, I will have a long life, live till I'm like 88 apparently. Education will be the key to my success. Hopefully this is all true, especially the part about me finding someone this year! :)

I wish...

I lay down in my dark bedroom, daydreaming, awaiting a night where I believe in wishes, so I can wish that you were mine. But you deserve so much better then me, I hurt you and I was the one to cause all this pain, and if your moving on and your happy I want you to be happy, I want you to love. No matter how much it hurts. I just want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry for everything. 

I wonder...

I wonder. If I'm trying so hard to make something mine that possibly never was. I want to believe that I was right, and not fooling myself into thinking that you were mine and I was yours. But now I'm alone and it's my own fault, I pushed away, and broke our hearts, believing it was something I wanted, but the truth... I wanted to see you fight for me! I wanted to see passion, caring, love! Just something, but you just let me go, and didn't look back. Now that I am trying to fix things with you, you don't seem interested, you seem distant and cold, and unwilling to try. I understand how much pain I caused, and the doubt I put in your mind. I didn't try to cause problems, but they happened. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved. Nothing in my heart has changed. But now I feel so alone, and I just want to be happy with you again. <3 

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry. I made my fair share of mistakes. I can own up to them. I love you. I want to fix things with you. I want to be with you. I can understand that I've made my mistakes, and I have to work through a lot to make it work with us. I just need time and patience, as well as you trying just as hard as I am. I know your so busy with work, your family, friends, and I never want to take up all your time, but I ask for some at least even to just say you care or show that you care. It was lonely in the relationship, and it's lonely being apart from you. The distance between us puts a strain on us, but if we chose, we can make us stronger. I love you. I miss you. <3 

You...

Wow!! FUCKING PATHETIC! You really just made me believe things could change, thing could get better, be happy again. Together. I tried understanding your point of view, I wanted to be with you again, I was trying to be what you wanted. But you told me I'm selfish! That I didn't care about your feelings. That's all I cared about! You were the selfish one, you wanted me and you wanted to be close to your ex, when you knew I wasn't comfortable with that you blamed me and yelled at me and shut me out instead of at least comforting me, or just trying to allow me to see it from your point of view. I just wanted you to understand how I felt, and I wanted to know how you felt. I wanted to be with you, and love you, and to be loved by you. I thought we were happy but now that we are apart we talk more then when we were together. Isn't that messed up? No matter how hurt I felt, I never wanted to end things with you. But we both walked away from each other. So who will stand up and try again or will we both back away? 

Royal Wedding...

All I can say is wow!! Catherine looked absolutely stunning her in dress which clearly was inspired from Grace Kelly's wedding dress. The couple looks truly and madly in love with one another, unlike a merger such as the late Diana's and Charles marriage. This is an actual love marriage which is something needed in the monarchy, considering she is also a commoner which will keep him down to earth, just as his mother would have liked. I can't believe I stayed awake all night and watched the wedding of the century, and it was worth it. Truly a fairy-tale wedding, I was so happy for the couple, getting to find their soul mates and display it to the world. They are truly a great monarchy that care for their country and the countrymen love and respect them. So congratulations to the happy couple :) 

Heart...

 I love you. But the heart plays our emotions as well as our minds. So is it true love? Just an infatuation? But in my heart I know that it's true love. 

ily<3

Love...

In life it takes three seconds to say "I love you", three minutes to explain why?, three days to appreciate it, and a lifetime to prove it. 


Hardest part of loving is when you can only love someone from a distance, not being able to hold their hand, embrace them, tell them how much you love them, because their is so much distance between you. Afraid to get to close, hoping that your one true love will find you and you don't have to suffer through all the heartbreak. Sometimes you just need to open your eyes and realize that the person who will never hurt you has been by your side all along, never realizing how much they love you. Love isn't about being someone else's perfect person, it's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. Love is an extremely difficult realization that someone other than oneself can comprehend. You can never make someone love you, all you can do is fall in love and pray that the person you love, loves you back just the same. Passion is a word that strongly fits with love, it is not only a feeling, or a commitment, and it is not only romance. Love until it hurts, and when it hurts love them more, and when it hurts even more, love until it hurts no more. 

To You...

Do you understand the amount of pain you caused me my self esteem slowly fading. I love you. But you made me feel so alone in our relationship. I try and I try. I want to be with you, but you continue to push me away. You won't even fight for us, you make me feel bad just trying to make you understand my feelings, my thoughts and you go into an instant defense mode. I just wanted to feel wanted, cared for, loved, but you couldn't do that because you have so much other things going on, including your ex girlfriend, who may be pregnant with your second child with her, I miss the days where you hated her, but now it's just you always running to her defense and protecting her, I thought I was your girlfriend? I might be insecure but at least I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I tried to give you everything. You disrespected me but I continued to stand by your stand. You no longer fool me, your apologies won't work, I'm going to move on, your a little too late. You may sweet talk me tell me you miss me but your actions speak much louder then words. I'm young and naive but I sure know I deserve more then always being hurt by you and trying to please you, I wanted to make you feel like the most important person, I wanted to show you all the love in the world, I loved you for you, I loved your daughter like my own. I would have done anything for you. I didn't want to walk away from you, but you walked away from me long ago. But I will always love you. 

Do You...

Do you ever reminisce about the old days, the great memories, like "puppy" love? All the hair pulling, teasing, kicking, pinching, just makes you kinda miss that you could actually tell when a boy liked you. Now it's all a set of mind games, secrets, lies, rumors, which just makes us feel insecure and unworthy. But that feeling still happens, the butterflies in your tummy, the smiling, and giggling every time you talk to them, or even hear their name. When you get your first crush, your first heart break, your first kiss, you never forgot about this happiness or sadness. I remember my first couple crushes, they were both so amazing I still talk to them both, they are great people and the first kisses with either of them were amazing, one was in the basement of his house (I was friend's with his younger sister) and in his bedroom, while we were alone because her mother needed her. The other memorable one was on the back seat of the bus, grade 6 last day right before we got to his stop. Are these simple acts of love that make us search for "the one" our soul mates? Or is that all just made up so we believe in having our happily ever afters? I understand that we can't have a fairy tale ending, but we can be happy if we allow ourselves to try and keep ourselves open. So love it's the hardest thing to ever explain, but the way we feel makes us crazy, our heart skip a beat. <3

Today At Work...

Damn very odd day, a costumer came in wanting to return which is all good I could have done it for him, but he wanted cash instead of having it back on the gift card, and blew up at me about how he originally paid in cash and shit and I'm like okay let me call another location to find out if it's going to be a problem. They also said that we can't do that so he goes on and rants about how much of a stupid company policy it is and such and at the time there was another customer in the store just walking around close to the till, and the guy got very loud and angry so the other customer (very cute guy) stepped in and made the guy leave, who by the way scared the shit out of me! Seemed like such a shady man! So anyways the cute guy was super sweet stayed with me for like 45 minutes to make sure I was okay and to make sure the crazy psycho man came back. Damn did he ever flirt and hit on me hardcore, but I totally did too, super cute and really damn sweet it was really good :) He asked for my number and I totally gave it too him :D 

Defying All Odds.

Defying all odds. It requires hope, courage, strength, power of will. This can be shown throughout history, for thousands of years, the french revolution, Egypt revolution, as well as Libya in progress. It's shown in literature, many love stories are about defying the odds, overcoming boundaries to be together. Possibly if your lucky enough you get to beat the odds or maybe you won't have to go through the tough times. Although things don't always work and we fall flat on our faces, we tried, we try as hard as we can, making us successful and finding something more valuable in our lives even if it looks like it won't happen. But defying the odds makes us proud, strong and happy, but maybe sometimes doing things the hard way... will make you unselfish, caring, strong, and successful.

P.S.

All you ever did was hurt me, you were nothing but a LETDOWN. I was insane to stay with you, by fooling myself into thinking you really cared and loved me, but did you really? Or is your new girlfriend the one you actually care about? Or is she just another girl? I feel like a fool all over again just letting you have some control within my life. I need to learn to walk away from you, but why is there something always holding me back, staying closing to you. My heart and mind just won't go in sync, one says one the other says another... why is this so difficult! Everything you said was a lie, but it continues to repeat in my mind, and now another poor girl gets to hear the same lies and empty promises.
P.S. You were nothing but a LETDOWN and always will be. 

I Love You...

If you're asking if I need you, 
the answer is forever...
If you're asking if I'll leave you,
the answer is never...
If you're asking what I value,
the answer is you...
If you're asking if I love you,
the answer is always... 
<3

Just Because Something Isn't Happening For You Right Now Doesn't Mean That It Will Never Happen...

She dreams of the days where he and she can be together, their souls becoming one. 
He pulled her close to him, their bodies connected as one, as his lips were only inches away from hers, she could feel the warm air from his mouth on her lips. As she was tugging on his shirt her hands on his waist, as they stared into each others eyes with such passion, their heartbeats in sync as he leaned in closer kissing her lips softly, each closing their eyes, savoring the moment as they had only dreamed about this before. 

Be With Me Forever :)

HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM FOREVER?
Do you tell them during a romantic date, with that one perfect moment,
or do you allow it be spontaneous? But would it ever truly be spontaneous,
because we think about every way to tell them, every word, our facial 
expressions,our clothing, the way he might look, and smile, even the way 
he kisses you after. Would it always become something pre planned? 
Unless you have no idea how you felt until something may have happened 
to yourself or your significant other. 

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL VULNERABLE?
Why do our hearts always make us fall completely head over heels for 
the "perfect guy", or allows us to fall for the "bad boys"
and get our hearts broken into pieces, and our minds allow us to believe
we were the wrong ones in the relationship? Why are relationships so hard?
And if they are hard, why do we try so much to stay with someone? Could it
be love? lust? guilt? commitment? or something else? Or is it because we 
are truly and completely in love with each other and through all the pain
and rocky times in a relationship it's completely worth it just to see you
smile again when you hold me? Love the greatest emotion you can feel but
it's tied with so many other feelings that sometimes you, yourself don't know
that love is what you are feeling. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable is not
an easy task, you want to keep your heart locked away and safe from breaking,
but you are always miss out on what could be your "true love"

Just For Once, I Want Someone To Be Afraid Of Losing Me.

Meeting...

We met on mutual ground but you avoided my gaze until I lost your face in the next morning's haze. You're shoes could've woken up the whole street. They drowned out the birds screaming in the trees. We sat down on the stone stairs and I watched the scars on your knees.
We met on mutual ground. You fell out of your dress. This bar's not open late enough, so let's go home and make a mess.
They smiled and left the room to leave us with more space but we stayed where we were and just had a drink to the chase A good night kiss equals a quick reaction but it's hard to believe I'm fully grown. So as usual, we parted on vague terms,



So you could climb back on your thrown.
<3

You've Become The Memory I Can't Erase.

CAN YOU EVER ONLY BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE?

As we grow we begin to see what truly is out there, you learn
how to love someone, as well as to be loved. Although we know
our hearts will be broken several times before we find someone
who is truly the one your supposed to be with. When you get 
get this feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart beginning
to race every time they talk to you, the way they make you 
smile without even trying. But what if you lose this person
in your life? Can you be friends with them? Or do you push
away from them? The heart is only so tolerable that if you 
feel everything with your heart, everything beings to hurt.
Even after you are no longer together, you still get the
feelings, you can't ever stop loving them with your whole 
heart, they will always belong in your heart, and yours to
belong with them. 

<3

In The End Are They Right?

IN THE END ARE THEY RIGHT? 
They say the people closest to you, are your family, your friends, they say these people care about you. 

DO THEY REALLY? OR JUST AN ILLUSION OF CARING? 
People make assumptions about the person you are, but are they even close?
You know who you are, other people think they may know you, but they don't. 
They only see the person you want them to see, you can show them the real you, 
the deeper, meaningful you, or you show them the more shallow side of yourself, 
the superficial person who you pretend to be so that you can keep your barriers up, 
keep your heart protected from being broken, so you never have to feel that heart
acing pain. 

DO PEOPLE SEE YOU AS THIS? 
My guess probably not because, they don't care to learn who you really are. 
They only judge you for what they may perceive. Maybe everyone hides the 
true selves even from ones own families. Not by choice but by the survial 
instincts that make ourselves hide who we are. 

OR,
IN THE END ARE THEY RIGHT?

If You Love Someone And You Break Up, Where Does The Love Go?

EVERY THOUGHT OF HIM, MAKES HER DIE MORE ON THE INSIDE
She’s so lost, so cold, so numb, so broken, her heart is his even if he only wants to break it some more, cut her deeper. She feels so alone, empty within, her soul so lonely, her soul mate left her, maybe for a few hours, days, weeks, or months but no matter how long may it be years she will forever be his. Her soul attached to his, their soul mates he lost sight of that, and though she is crying every time no one is looking she needs to be strong, she needs to win back his love, his heart. People always say she needs to work on her attitude problem; she needs to become that sweet little girl they once knew, she has a lot of faults and she knows this, and is working on it the best she can before he loves someone else more worthy of his love, his touch, his heart, but if she gets him back she will never let him leave again, she will move heaven and earth for this man, because he’s the only guy to ever truly love her and treat her right. Although he’s made mistakes, as has she, she will never give up because true love, her love, hope, and devotion to this man will always grow stronger, and this will save them. Their future, their family, their hopes and dreams, will all come back to him, for her it was lost or forgotten. 

DOES THIS MAKE HER STUPID? DUMB? IDIOTIC? PATHETIC?
She is only eighteen but has loved him since she was sixteen; she has once before let this man leave her, she never truly got over it, her heart was broken, hearing about how he was with another woman used to make her so sick, and even after a few months she would still cry every time they talked. When he asked her to be his again, February 14th, 2009 became her most favorite day, even though it was the corniest, she remembers falling out of her chair when he asked her and cried so much, tears of joy of course. Her heart was finally healing! Through the next sixteen and a little bit months she grew so much closer to him, he became her whole world, her best friend, the only person that she cared about, their hearts and souls connect and began to become one. They shared everything together, though they had their fair share of fights they never once gave up on each other. Why? Because they are soul mates, their true passionate love for each other always helped them get through the rough times, and carried them through the good times. They went through some tragedies, through every happy moment together, through some large milestones in life, learning so many lessons along the way, helping each other get over what may have happened to them. She thought this bought them closer together, it truly had, but then her pathetic worthless attitude pushed him, maybe towards her, or many just away from her, breaking her heart, as well as him she’s sure. Now that she has lost the most amazing man she has ever known, she is so broken, no longer caring about herself, her health becoming nothing to her, she has completely given up on herself, feeling like dirt, nothing more than trash. She does not want to feel happiness again, she rather be alone forever unless he comes back to her, her ONE TRUE LOVE!

EVEN THOUGH SHE’S LOST HIM, MAYBE FOR NOW OR FOREVER? SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM! EVEN WHEN HE’S AN ASSHOLE!
All he said was he loves her like a friend; she said she needs to think about it, if she can be friends with the man she loves. Though she knows’ she’s strong, she feels weaker than ever before. Her heart feels empty, heavier then ever before, your name written all over it, it will be forever. She can’t handle feeling the pain of losing someone so close to her heart, although they want to be friends, and she wants to try to be your best friend without the relationship. It’s going to be one of the hardest things she’ll have to do in a long time, but she will always try, because losing you is something so unimaginable to her. Her world would feel so turned upside down, unable to even imagine the idea of not having him in her life. She feels like her heart is pounding out of her chest each time he talks to her, or even thinking of his name, hearing his name, just makes her body go into overdrive thinking about it all, all over again. Her love for him will never fade, only become stronger, or maybe it will be subsided by another love. He was her first love, the only man she knew how to love, she only cared for him, she still does, but he wants someone new, he wants someone closer to himself, someone who’s fun. Maybe if she still moves up there he might want her back? Will he just give her the cold shoulder, treat her like nothing at all, make it seem as if they have no history with one another. Either way this man can never hurt her more then she is hurting herself for everything and anything she can. She will take some fault in this. 

WHY HIM? WHY CAN HE MOVE ON? WHY IS SHE SO WEAK? CAN SHE MOVE ON TOO?
All her friends her she’s better then him, she can do better than him. But she can’t realize that. Why? Maybe it’s because he made her world make sense? Or maybe he made her the happiest person in the world! She was extremely happy with him. Now that he is gone she needs to get stronger, let him be happy with a new girl and hope he realizes he loves her, or she can make him love her again. She can change herself for the better begin to heal again. But he will always be in her heart! She wants to only be with him, her friends warning her that he might her hurt her again, she understands where they are coming from trying to make him look like trash, the bad guy. Truth be told she would do the same if they were in this situation. She knows this and loves her friends so much at this time she can’t take this advice from them. She wants to feel the pain, the anger, the determination to win back her one true love; she doesn’t want to be happy without him, at least not in the same way. She wants him; she needs him, and only him! She may move on some day when there is no longer any hope of them ever being together, but that day is so far away, and even then she will always hope that he will come back to her, she promised him her heart forever and she really doesn’t want it back.

ily:)

I never thought I'd find love at a young age, 
I thought I was being naive and was infatuated
with the idea of being in love. Now that I'm with
someone like you, I realize love is the most 
precious thing I've been blessed to feel. Although
I may be young and naive I am certain I will always
be with you, for the rest of my life. You make me
the happiest I will ever be, every time I hear your 
voice it brings so much joy, and my heart skips 
a beat. My heart is forever yours, my soul is bound
to yours and only yours, your my soul mate, my
whole life, my everything, and I will love you till
my last breathe.

I Can't Do This Anymore...

I'm sorry but I truly feel like this is another repeat,
I don't wanna continuously cry over the same bullshit
Your the one who made me grow up so much faster
then I should have. Why am I the one to always blame
I know I have an attitude problem but is that forever
going to be your excuse? and hers. I love you guys
but I don't wanna be around this, I don't like this
feeling, I don't enjoy having tears streaming down
my face like this as often as i have in the last 5
years. Is it fair? Yes the entire family now knows that
I have an attitude problem, why is that? oh yes because
you always have to publish everything wrong with me
I'm not perfect nor will I ever be! I don't have amazing
grades, I'm not amazing at sports like you say you
once were, I don't have a passion quite yet... Does all
this mean I'm nothing to you? I feel like it more then
a teenage girl should, I feel as if you'd be better off
never having me, maybe everyone would be. I wanna
disappear so much that I don't know why I've stuck
around this long... I shouldn't feel like this, and no
I'm not going to kill myself, I just wish that I was old
enough to leave, be on my own, create my own life with
people who don't see me the way you do. You say that
you have never blamed me for my attitude triggering his
need for substance abuse, but you had more then once,
does a young girl really need to hear that from her own
mother? I can't handle this constant fighting, it may be
triggered by attitude and I'm sorry, but if that's what it
is I can't keep changing myself in order for him to
accept me or the rest of the family, I don't care what
they think of me! I don't have a need for them to accept
me the way that I am, if they don't it's their problem
because I can walk away from everything. I can even
walk away from my parents at this point, you say I'm not
strong enough, that it's a hard world out there... Maybe
I need to leave to prove everyone wrong, that I can be
successful in life no matter what I decide to do...

For You.

I let you go, I gave you the space you 
wanted. I loved you yet I gave you up. 
You choose her, within in a 
week you were no longer in love with 
me but with her. You broke up with her 
and now we have something again, but 
I feel as if I'm just another in between 
relationship for you. I love you and I tell 
you almost every single day but all you 
say is I'm glad or thank you baby. You 
fell in love with her after a few weeks 
so did you ever actually love me at all 
or am I just fooling myself being with you, 
wanting you, loving you, caring about you. 
I can never say these things to you for I'm 
weak and I hate it. The only thing I ask of 
you is to tell me do you care about me the 
way I care for you? and do you love me 
or do you think you can love me again? 
and am I being an infatuated teenager? 
I told you I'm not scared, that I'm brave but 
for some reason I can't get these thoughts out of 
my head and it hurts me to feel this way about 
someone who I know cares about me just 
I feel as if you'll never care about me like you 
once had, which seems like a distant memory.